Single Questions - 29 Years Later

During my 20's, I believed by thirty I would be married with four children.  Thus, I did everything I could to better myself as a person.  I wanted to be a good wife and mother, so during my 20's, I spent a lot of time delving into what made a good wife and mother.  I read books about it, went to seminars to learn about it, listened to my married friends, etc.  I wanted to be prepared when I say "I do"

I am an analytical person by nature and I like to ponder things out.  In my early 20's I used to ponder 'what does it mean when I say I do'.  I realized it meant a lot.  Such as, 'I do' to dishes, laundry, caring about you, allowing you to care about me, having babies, raising children, etc.  Marriage was not a ferry-tale, thus I wanted to be prepared when the right man came along.

One thing about life, it seems to go a lot faster after you hit the age of twenty.  Once you are twenty, thirty is right around the corner.  When I turned thirty, I sat myself down and faced some hard questions, because I was still single.  Wow, twenty to thirty was a blink, so what will thirty to forty be?  That was my question.  And it was an important question to me, because never did I take the time to ponder how to be single.  So at thirty, I changed my gears of thought and started to ask the hard questions about being single.  I had thirteen questions in all.  

I am now 59, and yes, I am still single.  As I read the thirteen questions, I realize back then I made changes in my life to accept singleness, as well as, marriage if that was to be.  Some questions were fears, some were ponders and some never got answered.  I would like to answer those questions now - 29 years later.

Question One:  "What happens if I never marry?"

You can still enjoy life!  If most single people looking for marriage were honest, they would agree they believed marriage would solve their problems, give them fulfillment and meet all their needs.  Marriage does for sure meet the physical demand for those who believe sex is for marriage, but marriage may not meet all your needs, which I will look at in another question of mine.

In asking the hard questions about singleness, I came across a tape about fulfillment.  I forget the author's name and the name of the tape.  However, what I do remember is a married woman talking about how marriage cannot meet a wife's needs completely.  In fact, she talked about how a wife can put a strain on her partner if she only looks to him to make her feel significant.  He cannot, as he is just as human as she is.   So what was her answer to women?  You are responsible for your own happiness.  

What does all this mean, Singles can enjoy life too!  After listening to this tape I chose to not feel sorry for myself for being single.  I chose not to put myself on hold until I got married.  No way!  I was going to enjoy life.  So if there was not one to go golfing with, I went.  If there was no one to go to the movies with, I went.  If there was no one to go for supper with, I went.  I am thankful for all my friends, men and women; I have had the privilege to go golfing, supper and the movies with.   But I also enjoyed the times I went alone.

Most important, I have a God who sustains me and fulfills me as well.  My faith in God has allowed me to enjoy being single.  Did not and does not mean I never wish I was married.  I'd love to have a partner to go golfing with or out for supper.  I'd love to have someone to sit with in the church every Sunday.  And if the chance still comes to be married - I will say I do.  But you can still enjoy life even when you are single. 

Next blog will deal with Question Two: How do I handle being Single?

Till next time, Penny

Mercy - (mƏrsē)

The dictionary definition for 'Mercy' is:  "Compassion or Forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm"

Nehemiah 9:31 states:  "But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God." (NIV)

I have experienced 'mercy' many times in my life, but there are three that standout the most.  First, at age 19, I enrolled at Northwest Bible College as a mature student.  I did not finish my high school, but since I was 19, I was considered a mature student, so I was accepted.  Since it was a bible college that I was attending, I had to follow the rules about abstaining from anything that would be considered questionable, at and outside of school.  For example, going to a bar, living with the opposite sex, etc.  Since I did not have rich parents, I had to work my way through college.  It was hard finding a job, especially since I did not finish high school.  However, I got a job in a cafeteria-style restaurant where I was a dish girl.  I would clean the tables and take the dishes to the back to wash.   What could be wrong with being a dishwasher?  It was easy, hard, but easy.  I cleaned the miss up under the tables and on top of the tables.  I loaded the dirty dishes into the bin on my cart and took them to the back to be washed.  Oh yes, I also picked up empty and not so empty beer bottles.  This bothered me.  Why?  Well I was a new Christian and going to Bible college and did not want anything to tarnish my character.  Hey, I was a baby Christian.

Well you guessed it; I quit my job because of those dirty beer bottles.   But I needed the job.  So Monday morning I went and spoke with Mrs. Francis the Ethics teacher.  Yes, I studied ethics.  I explained to her my dilemma.  I thought for sure she would profoundly state that I should not work in that job.  But she did not!  She said something to me that has always been an example to me in how I treat others.  "Penny, I myself would not work in that kind of job, but you need work for school.  Penny, it's not my place to judge you or tell you not to work there."   After school, I called up my manager and explained why I quit and I was wrong to.  She took me back and gave me a second chance - What mercy from two wonderful people.

Second, I hate tests or exams, because my mind always goes blank during the exam.  In the same named college, my second year course topic was Christology; I failed the final exam and course.  When I went to the last day of class, I felt bad.  I could not believe I failed, but hey, the exam carried the weight of the mark.  My professor walks into the classroom and everyone stops talking.  He puts the exams on his desk and looks up at us and states: "Most everyone in this class failed the exam and it was my fault."  I could not believe what I was hearing.  "I must have taught over your heads" he continues, "I am going to give you the same test again and a day to study for it."   He did not have to do that.  Some passed the exam, but not many.  But that is not his fault.  I could not believe he decided to give us a second chance.  I studied and the rest of the class and everyone passed the course.  We all got a C-, but that is better than a fail.  Mercy in skin!  By the way, third year I had this professor again and I got and 'A’ in his class and without taking the exam over.

Finally, I was finishing my high school in a Vocational school and I had a math test.  Nice thing about a vocational school, you are treated like adults.  So this particular morning of the exam, I bring a coffee into the classroom.  As I went to put it on my desk, you guessed it; the cup fell to the floor.  I dashed out of the classroom to the washroom and brought a ton of paper towels with me to wipe up the coffee.  By the way, did I say I was two minutes late into the exam?  The teacher took the paper towels from me and told me to sit and do the test and she will clean my miss up.  She informed me she wanted me to have the same time as the class to finish my test.  She did not have to do that; it was my fault in being late and dropping a coffee.  Again, Mercy in skin!

When we see mercy in action, we should not tuck it away and forget it.  We should remember it.  Take time to count our blessings (Mercies), so that we can give mercy when it is needed.  A great story explains this in the Bible, Matthew 18:21-35 - The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant.  I will let you read this story.  Let's remember to show mercy when it is in our power to do so.  You never know, you may need it again.