During my 20's, I believed by thirty I would be married with four children. Thus, I did everything I could to better myself as a person. I wanted to be a good wife and mother, so during my 20's, I spent a lot of time delving into what made a good wife and mother. I read books about it, went to seminars to learn about it, listened to my married friends, etc. I wanted to be prepared when I say "I do"
I am an analytical person by nature and I like to ponder things out. In my early 20's I used to ponder 'what does it mean when I say I do'. I realized it meant a lot. Such as, 'I do' to dishes, laundry, caring about you, allowing you to care about me, having babies, raising children, etc. Marriage was not a ferry-tale, thus I wanted to be prepared when the right man came along.
One thing about life, it seems to go a lot faster after you hit the age of twenty. Once you are twenty, thirty is right around the corner. When I turned thirty, I sat myself down and faced some hard questions, because I was still single. Wow, twenty to thirty was a blink, so what will thirty to forty be? That was my question. And it was an important question to me, because never did I take the time to ponder how to be single. So at thirty, I changed my gears of thought and started to ask the hard questions about being single. I had thirteen questions in all.
I am now 59, and yes, I am still single. As I read the thirteen questions, I realize back then I made changes in my life to accept singleness, as well as, marriage if that was to be. Some questions were fears, some were ponders and some never got answered. I would like to answer those questions now - 29 years later.
Question One: "What happens if I never marry?"
In asking the hard questions about singleness, I came across a tape about fulfillment. I forget the author's name and the name of the tape. However, what I do remember is a married woman talking about how marriage cannot meet a wife's needs completely. In fact, she talked about how a wife can put a strain on her partner if she only looks to him to make her feel significant. He cannot, as he is just as human as she is. So what was her answer to women? You are responsible for your own happiness.
What does all this mean, Singles can enjoy life too! After listening to this tape I chose to not feel sorry for myself for being single. I chose not to put myself on hold until I got married. No way! I was going to enjoy life. So if there was not one to go golfing with, I went. If there was no one to go to the movies with, I went. If there was no one to go for supper with, I went. I am thankful for all my friends, men and women; I have had the privilege to go golfing, supper and the movies with. But I also enjoyed the times I went alone.
Most important, I have a God who sustains me and fulfills me as well. My faith in God has allowed me to enjoy being single. Did not and does not mean I never wish I was married. I'd love to have a partner to go golfing with or out for supper. I'd love to have someone to sit with in the church every Sunday. And if the chance still comes to be married - I will say I do. But you can still enjoy life even when you are single.
Next blog will deal with Question Two: How do I handle being Single?
Till next time, Penny
