How do we measure people's love?

A friend of mine once said to me while we were having coffee together,


"Penny, if my husband is not able to love me the way I need to be loved, does that mean he does not love me?"


Excellent question?  We all come from different backgrounds.  We all learn to express love differently.   For some it is expressing love freely, while for others they are more conservative in expressing love.  My Friend further said to me,

“And if he cannot love me the way I feel I need to be loved, does that mean I do not love him back?”

I believe that my friend was trying to tell me that just because someone cannot love you the way you think being loved is all about, does not mean that he/she does not love you.

Faith and trust is the foundation for any relationship (whether it is father/daughter, father/son, mother/daughter, mother/son, marriage, or friendship) to succeed.

Does this mean that if someone abuses me physically or mentally he/she loves me?  No, as abuse is NOT love!  Abuse or possessiveness are not examples of love and please do not entertain either as love.

There are many quotes out there that explains what love is, but I have never found one that says it better than I Corinthians 13, known as the ‘Love Chapter’.

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (Verses 4-7, NIV).

In summary, let us not define a person’s love for us by our need in how we want others to love us.  But, on the other hand, let us learn how our family, friend, partner needs to be loved, so we can grow in expressing love.